Recently I flew from Dubai on Air India Express. This was my first time with this airline. Although I’ve heard of the bad seats; bad landings and rude airhostess, the departure timings suited me well so I opted for Air India Express, the budget version of Air India which I swear is the worst flight I have ever been on in my life.
That afternoon I called the Air India Customer Care to confirm my flight timings. They have a main telephone number that stays busy 24x7. If it’s not busy it goes straight to an answering machine. What kind of airline goes straight to an answering machine? A horrid company... Finally a very rude guy picked up and said... "This is Baggage Claim Section; Call Dubai Airport to find the timings" and then hang up on me; what a joke... When tried calling back to find out to see who this was he put me on hold...
I called Dubai Airport and they confirmed that my flight was delayed by 3 hours… Sahi hai!!!
And, now the story starts...
On my way to airport; I got an SMS that flight departure had been rescheduled to 04:00 hrs. They could have sent this SMS 3 hour back!!! So I checked-in three hours prior to the re-scheduled time, since according to them one has to check in 3 hrs prior to the flight time. (Oh!!! Air India is so punctual in such cases). Then I wait there at the gate; the airport announces the delay of the flight by one hour. Maakda!!! Anyways it’s usual for an already delayed flight to be pushed by an hour more. So I wait there to find out that the flight is further delayed by another hour, making the departure time 6:00; its normal for Air India. After a while, the schedule board without any announcement changes the departure time to 6:30... I went to Costa cafe to buy myself a piece of muffins-cake and a coffee... It costed me 38Dhs... Shouldn't I reimburse this from the airline? Anyway I board the flight by 6:30. I am already late by 7+ hours.
Everyone is in their seats and I see that I will have to sit on the last row of a tacky old flight. And the crew... Oh!!! Don’t kid me... each one of them looks older than my grand mother. Where the hell did the age limit regulation go? These air hostesses have been working since the time Gandhiji leased these aircrafts to go to London to attend the Round Table Conference.
Anyway the pilot announces the departure of the flight. "Welcome onboard. Sorry for the inconvenience caused and we will be off in a few minutes and thank you for your co operation. The flight will take 3 hours 10 minutes to reach Lucknow..." WHAT? Lucknow??? "Where we will halt for 50 minutes and then will be flying to Mumbai" Why are we going to Lucknow? Oye Pilot... there's some locha... You're mistaken... This is a direct flight to Mumbai. I later overheard the airhostess saying that the Mumbai flight was cancelled and some of the passengers to Mumbai have been accommodated in the Lucknow flight...
Half an hour passes. Nothing!!! (Oh we got a glass of water) and the captain told us it’s time to take off.
Most of the NRI's think that Air India is the worst airline in terms of service, and they are right to assume that. It was early morning and I decided not to eat anything. I needed to brush my teeth. The air hostess would not take "NO" for an answer. (Maybe her bonus was directly linked to the no. of people eating.) She pleaded with me to have something. I refused. She tried stronger persuasion techniques, "If you don't eat, you'll feel hungry later." I did not relent. Then she said, "At least have some juice." (I still remember the taste of that juice) I wanted to open the window, put my head out and check if it was really an Air India flight.
Immediately after departure, the guy sitting next to me asked for whiskey, while his friend sitting on the other side asked for beer. After finishing the whiskey in one sip, the two guys chatted and concluded that the beer was good too. Immediately he summoned the air hostess in a very respectful manner, by emitting the sound, "Shooo, Shoooo." My neighbor asked for beer and his friend asked for whiskey. After finishing the second round, they both agreed that the whiskey was better and 'shoo shooed' the air hostess, who was then serving another passenger. The air hostess looked at them angrily and said... "I have only two hands." At which point; the two gentlemen became sad and silent.
I thought... baba yeh log to fultu peeney waastey hi aaye hai!!!
No magazines, no news papers, no pens, broken seats, 2 bad looking air hostess for the entire flight, unclean toilets. You will be only offered with a paid headphone set to listen to the only movie they have, and paid soft drinks.
And, finally when I landed in Lucknow... there was a chaos, everyone was in a hurry to open the baggage cabin and were rushing towards the exit. What is the hurry? The flight is going to stay for another 50 minutes... It’s not the Mumbai Metro or the DTC bus...
50 minutes of stoppage time seemed to be longer than expected... I sat there and looked out of the window to find the Airport-Tow-"TRACTORS"; airport official pissing on the compound wall; Security guard holding a machine gun and yawning... The board there read... "Lucknow Airport, ISO 9001:2000 Certified" Till then I never knew that airports could get this certification. I checked the positive side; Air India is not 'ISO 9001 Certified'.
Finally when I reached my destination I was 9 hours late. I checked the schedule board; it still showed the departure time of Air India to Dubai as indefinite!!! Ha ha ha...
I will never fly with Air India. Never...
As far as Indore airport is concerned... Last time when I had to fly from there - The departure area of the Indore (Domestic) Airport Terminal, which is the size of the living room of a one-bedroom apartment of the Beckams, was designed by the same man who designed the Tihar Jail. There are no duty-free shops or any bookstores or magazine stands for the simple reason that they would make people happy. You cannot even see the runway. All you can do while waiting for a flight is to watch fellow passengers and observe their weird behavior, and the only entertainment I had, was watching the Ticketing Staff of Jet Airways. Hope this time; things must have changed at Indore airport.
CHEERS!!!
That afternoon I called the Air India Customer Care to confirm my flight timings. They have a main telephone number that stays busy 24x7. If it’s not busy it goes straight to an answering machine. What kind of airline goes straight to an answering machine? A horrid company... Finally a very rude guy picked up and said... "This is Baggage Claim Section; Call Dubai Airport to find the timings" and then hang up on me; what a joke... When tried calling back to find out to see who this was he put me on hold...
I called Dubai Airport and they confirmed that my flight was delayed by 3 hours… Sahi hai!!!
And, now the story starts...
On my way to airport; I got an SMS that flight departure had been rescheduled to 04:00 hrs. They could have sent this SMS 3 hour back!!! So I checked-in three hours prior to the re-scheduled time, since according to them one has to check in 3 hrs prior to the flight time. (Oh!!! Air India is so punctual in such cases). Then I wait there at the gate; the airport announces the delay of the flight by one hour. Maakda!!! Anyways it’s usual for an already delayed flight to be pushed by an hour more. So I wait there to find out that the flight is further delayed by another hour, making the departure time 6:00; its normal for Air India. After a while, the schedule board without any announcement changes the departure time to 6:30... I went to Costa cafe to buy myself a piece of muffins-cake and a coffee... It costed me 38Dhs... Shouldn't I reimburse this from the airline? Anyway I board the flight by 6:30. I am already late by 7+ hours.
Everyone is in their seats and I see that I will have to sit on the last row of a tacky old flight. And the crew... Oh!!! Don’t kid me... each one of them looks older than my grand mother. Where the hell did the age limit regulation go? These air hostesses have been working since the time Gandhiji leased these aircrafts to go to London to attend the Round Table Conference.
Anyway the pilot announces the departure of the flight. "Welcome onboard. Sorry for the inconvenience caused and we will be off in a few minutes and thank you for your co operation. The flight will take 3 hours 10 minutes to reach Lucknow..." WHAT? Lucknow??? "Where we will halt for 50 minutes and then will be flying to Mumbai" Why are we going to Lucknow? Oye Pilot... there's some locha... You're mistaken... This is a direct flight to Mumbai. I later overheard the airhostess saying that the Mumbai flight was cancelled and some of the passengers to Mumbai have been accommodated in the Lucknow flight...
Half an hour passes. Nothing!!! (Oh we got a glass of water) and the captain told us it’s time to take off.
Most of the NRI's think that Air India is the worst airline in terms of service, and they are right to assume that. It was early morning and I decided not to eat anything. I needed to brush my teeth. The air hostess would not take "NO" for an answer. (Maybe her bonus was directly linked to the no. of people eating.) She pleaded with me to have something. I refused. She tried stronger persuasion techniques, "If you don't eat, you'll feel hungry later." I did not relent. Then she said, "At least have some juice." (I still remember the taste of that juice) I wanted to open the window, put my head out and check if it was really an Air India flight.
Immediately after departure, the guy sitting next to me asked for whiskey, while his friend sitting on the other side asked for beer. After finishing the whiskey in one sip, the two guys chatted and concluded that the beer was good too. Immediately he summoned the air hostess in a very respectful manner, by emitting the sound, "Shooo, Shoooo." My neighbor asked for beer and his friend asked for whiskey. After finishing the second round, they both agreed that the whiskey was better and 'shoo shooed' the air hostess, who was then serving another passenger. The air hostess looked at them angrily and said... "I have only two hands." At which point; the two gentlemen became sad and silent.
I thought... baba yeh log to fultu peeney waastey hi aaye hai!!!
No magazines, no news papers, no pens, broken seats, 2 bad looking air hostess for the entire flight, unclean toilets. You will be only offered with a paid headphone set to listen to the only movie they have, and paid soft drinks.
And, finally when I landed in Lucknow... there was a chaos, everyone was in a hurry to open the baggage cabin and were rushing towards the exit. What is the hurry? The flight is going to stay for another 50 minutes... It’s not the Mumbai Metro or the DTC bus...
50 minutes of stoppage time seemed to be longer than expected... I sat there and looked out of the window to find the Airport-Tow-"TRACTORS"; airport official pissing on the compound wall; Security guard holding a machine gun and yawning... The board there read... "Lucknow Airport, ISO 9001:2000 Certified" Till then I never knew that airports could get this certification. I checked the positive side; Air India is not 'ISO 9001 Certified'.
Finally when I reached my destination I was 9 hours late. I checked the schedule board; it still showed the departure time of Air India to Dubai as indefinite!!! Ha ha ha...
I will never fly with Air India. Never...
As far as Indore airport is concerned... Last time when I had to fly from there - The departure area of the Indore (Domestic) Airport Terminal, which is the size of the living room of a one-bedroom apartment of the Beckams, was designed by the same man who designed the Tihar Jail. There are no duty-free shops or any bookstores or magazine stands for the simple reason that they would make people happy. You cannot even see the runway. All you can do while waiting for a flight is to watch fellow passengers and observe their weird behavior, and the only entertainment I had, was watching the Ticketing Staff of Jet Airways. Hope this time; things must have changed at Indore airport.
CHEERS!!!
3 comments:
nice post ..feel like laughing reading certain lines.but then i remembered i am laughing on the chaos of somebody..
hey, hilarious post... can't stop laughing... but can imagine what you must have gone through... i remember a friend of mine taking Air India from Chennai to Bombay... he wanted to have a beer... and you won't imagine what he had to say about the air hostess... he felt she would come and ask, "beta, kya loge"... :) even this time when i was coming to Wroclaw, my flight was canceled from Frankfurt to Wroclaw... and had to take two more flights... but was flying Lufthansa and they gave me coupons for lunch and also my hand baggage was checked in (total 32 kgs) when you can only check in 20 kgs...
haha :) Too good!! :)
Post a Comment