This might come across as an offensive piece of writing from me; but I can't stop myself from being a bit disgusting and from adding thoda humor and thoda masti in it... (Did it rhyme with the name of the newly released Saif & Rani movie; Hmm… Copyright karana padega!!!)
Anyways… this blog is directly aimed at the guy who was in the loo peeing next to me; even when the entire row was empty. I really do not get it…Why next to me? I've been amazed at people's attitudes toward peeing. But unfortunately peeing is something everyone does. Peeing is a part of life and Penis is a part of every guy. I was embarrassed by the way he was looking at mine… What did he want to know… Do I have one or where am I peeing from or was he expecting me too to gaze at his? I just wanted to scream out "Maakdey… don't think you or your penis is special, for me to gaze at it while you pee."
“Honth Raseeley Tere Honth Raseeley"… His cell-phone rang… He held his cell-phone against his ear with one hand while urinating boisterously holding his 'samaan' with the other. It struck me… Will the person on the other end of the call hear the sound of urine splashing down? I wondered what that person thought at that moment. I wondered if this was a business or a personal call… and does this really make a difference to the caller…
I could hear him zipping his pants... He must be leaving now… I was kind of relaxed… I am a weird guy. I cannot pee in a crowd. I need proper silence, concentration and direction… "Ah Haa Haaa…. Mootney ka bhi alag maza hai yaar"
A loud "Khhwwaaaaaakk… Thooookkkk…" woke me up from my loo-dreaming… Oh god!!! Why the hell did he have to bring out all his saliva and cough and do what he just did. Probably he wanted to clean the pot with his spit. It's so easy… Bring out all of it from your glands with an effective "Khhwwaaaaaakk…" and then slowly release it from the edge of your tongue with the eternal sound "Thooookkkk…"
He walked down the toilet row towards the washbasin to comb his hair and fix his shirt… I was standing behind him to wash my hands. This dude was busy looking at himself from all the different angles and paid no heed to a waiting soul… I wanted to yell out… "Acha lag raha hai bheedu… Abhi mujhe haath dhone dega!!!!"
He turned back; looked at me smiled and left without "Washing his hands"!!! Yes… some guys do do that.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Mera Bharat Mahaan
"Hello"
"Haan bol"
"Baiju, bahut bura hua"
"kya hua, kuch batayegi?"
"80 years ki aged lady ko Indian government ne uske ghar se baahar nikaal dia"
"Theek hai yaar... kuch loan-woan ka lafda hoga"
"Can't we do something for her?"
"Tu rehne de bey... tera dimaag kharaab ho gaya hai"
"How can you be so insensitive, Baiju?"
"Acha yeh bata, kaun se channel pe aa raha hai?"
"India TV"
"Naatak hai sab... let me check the news in detail."
I logged onto the India TV website to read the news in detail. It says - "EIGHY YEAR OLD WOMAN THROWN OUT OF HOUSE"
Hmmm... I said to myself... "It happens only in India" It's the second time that I'm humming this song in a span of 4 days...
I was singing it last weekend after watching Aamir. The Movie as it says in the promos is truly an eye opener... If you haven't seen this movie, don't miss it. I don't think it's playing in the theatre, so go get a pirated DVD or download the movie from internet using some torrent. The story is shot in the slum areas of Mumbai most of them at Muslim dominated areas. Everything is shown just the way it is... we see it all unfold in dark alleys and filthy lanes, in overflowing gutters and smelly godowns, in stifling rooms and over-flowing toilets. Movie is so realistic that we can smell the garbage on the streets and taste the oily chicken curry served at National Hotel...
I love my country... I love India... That's why I am hurt to realize that India has a long way to go...
Evidently we have a democracy that works. Imagine if we had a Hitler instead of Sonia Gandhi, a Bush instead of Manmohan Singh, a Saddam instead of Kalaam or a Mussolini instead of Laloo Prasad. We should be glad that we are blessed. We have the lesser evil. Thank god for his greatness...
We have the freedom to speak. Haan... there are some incidents of goondas silencing people... but overall you are safe inside the four walls of your home. It's better to be safe. We are non-violent people. There are no bullets and missiles flying around and school kids don't carry weapons with them. Once in a while; some accidents do happen... Wo chalta hai!!! During bandh and hadtaal... the ones who stay in their homes face no trouble; especially if you have stocked up your raashan. If the bandh goes too long then... locha hai!!! You don't have rice; then eat bread. If you don't have bread; then drink water. If you don't have water; then... kuch bhi kar ya bhooka marr...
We do have a good government with excellent governance... very cooperative. Visit any of the government departments and you can see the real feel. Government departments ko maaro goli... visit a police station with a petition... Almost anything can be done; provided you know what to do. But everything has its price. The richest in India know that... and today, they are amongst the richest in the world.
India is a rich country and our IT boys are bringing in more bucks... Hmm... more rokdaa... Our space chaps are sending satellites up above the sky so high. Our cricket heroes are bringing us name and fame while our filmi heroes are blogging without any fear of being sued. New generation is singing Vande Maataram. Despite al these lochas and lafdas; we are progressing. Apun logon ka... corruption ranking is getting better. We are no longer the most corrupt country in the world. We are way ahead of Bangladesh, Somalia and Nigeria.
Communal harmony… Hindu; Muslim; Sikh; Issai… sabhi yahan hai bhai bhai… Remember the pledge… “India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters” We definitely do share and care. And as we say, if we live in such a harmonically advanced country then why is there an issue on inter-religion, inter-caste marriages? This is when creed, honor, pride and everything else come into play. Why?
Jo bhi ho... I have decided that as long as I live, my finger will always be there for my country... I mean my vote will always be there...
Our Country is progressing; our democracy is winning... in spite of everything...
"Haan bol"
"Baiju, bahut bura hua"
"kya hua, kuch batayegi?"
"80 years ki aged lady ko Indian government ne uske ghar se baahar nikaal dia"
"Theek hai yaar... kuch loan-woan ka lafda hoga"
"Can't we do something for her?"
"Tu rehne de bey... tera dimaag kharaab ho gaya hai"
"How can you be so insensitive, Baiju?"
"Acha yeh bata, kaun se channel pe aa raha hai?"
"India TV"
"Naatak hai sab... let me check the news in detail."
I logged onto the India TV website to read the news in detail. It says - "EIGHY YEAR OLD WOMAN THROWN OUT OF HOUSE"
Hmmm... I said to myself... "It happens only in India" It's the second time that I'm humming this song in a span of 4 days...
I was singing it last weekend after watching Aamir. The Movie as it says in the promos is truly an eye opener... If you haven't seen this movie, don't miss it. I don't think it's playing in the theatre, so go get a pirated DVD or download the movie from internet using some torrent. The story is shot in the slum areas of Mumbai most of them at Muslim dominated areas. Everything is shown just the way it is... we see it all unfold in dark alleys and filthy lanes, in overflowing gutters and smelly godowns, in stifling rooms and over-flowing toilets. Movie is so realistic that we can smell the garbage on the streets and taste the oily chicken curry served at National Hotel...
I love my country... I love India... That's why I am hurt to realize that India has a long way to go...
Evidently we have a democracy that works. Imagine if we had a Hitler instead of Sonia Gandhi, a Bush instead of Manmohan Singh, a Saddam instead of Kalaam or a Mussolini instead of Laloo Prasad. We should be glad that we are blessed. We have the lesser evil. Thank god for his greatness...
We have the freedom to speak. Haan... there are some incidents of goondas silencing people... but overall you are safe inside the four walls of your home. It's better to be safe. We are non-violent people. There are no bullets and missiles flying around and school kids don't carry weapons with them. Once in a while; some accidents do happen... Wo chalta hai!!! During bandh and hadtaal... the ones who stay in their homes face no trouble; especially if you have stocked up your raashan. If the bandh goes too long then... locha hai!!! You don't have rice; then eat bread. If you don't have bread; then drink water. If you don't have water; then... kuch bhi kar ya bhooka marr...
We do have a good government with excellent governance... very cooperative. Visit any of the government departments and you can see the real feel. Government departments ko maaro goli... visit a police station with a petition... Almost anything can be done; provided you know what to do. But everything has its price. The richest in India know that... and today, they are amongst the richest in the world.
India is a rich country and our IT boys are bringing in more bucks... Hmm... more rokdaa... Our space chaps are sending satellites up above the sky so high. Our cricket heroes are bringing us name and fame while our filmi heroes are blogging without any fear of being sued. New generation is singing Vande Maataram. Despite al these lochas and lafdas; we are progressing. Apun logon ka... corruption ranking is getting better. We are no longer the most corrupt country in the world. We are way ahead of Bangladesh, Somalia and Nigeria.
Communal harmony… Hindu; Muslim; Sikh; Issai… sabhi yahan hai bhai bhai… Remember the pledge… “India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters” We definitely do share and care. And as we say, if we live in such a harmonically advanced country then why is there an issue on inter-religion, inter-caste marriages? This is when creed, honor, pride and everything else come into play. Why?
Jo bhi ho... I have decided that as long as I live, my finger will always be there for my country... I mean my vote will always be there...
Our Country is progressing; our democracy is winning... in spite of everything...
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